Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
