no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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