6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
