I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
