this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
