Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I currently don't understand fingers.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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