hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
