I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
