if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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