You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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