So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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