im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
