you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
