Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
