I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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