Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I need a beard to bite.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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