Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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