You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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