There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
