before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Fuck appropriateness.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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