ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
