Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't deserve a penis
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
