I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
