I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
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