So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
