oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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