Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
