Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
