I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
