Im at strip club and am horny
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
