when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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