Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
