Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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