When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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