dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
