does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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