I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just threw up on my dentist
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
