Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
