So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
