theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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