pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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