Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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