Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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