that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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