In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
