I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How does it feel to date your dad?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
