My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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