i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
