I'm laying in your front yard are you home
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You can't special order awesome
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
