I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
