We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
