I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Vodka?
Forever.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
