whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
