3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
